


Spider-man: The Puppy Interview

by SunshineTears



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Buzzfeed, Cute Peter Parker, Everyone Loves Peter Parker, Gen, Interviews, Peter is easily distracted, Peter is obsessed with puppies, Precious Peter Parker, Social Media, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 03:44:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17460002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineTears/pseuds/SunshineTears
Summary: Spider-man plays with puppies while (attempting) to answer Interview questions. It quickly dissolves in chaos.“Some try-hard spider nibbled at me...” he cuts himself off with a laugh as the Pitbull puppy launches itself onto him lap. He bats lightly at the puppy as he tussles with his arm, before a light cough has him looking up.“Sorry, what was the question again?”





	Spider-man: The Puppy Interview

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the Tom Holland Buzzfeed interview.

 

**Spider-man plays with puppies while (attempting) to answer Interview questions**  
29,203,784 views

 

BuzzFeed Celeb ✓

 

[Video description: The video opens with Spider-man against a light blue background. He’s  crouching and staring at the camera, arms crossed and posture threatening. The camera pans down slightly to reveal two puppies at his feet: A brown Dalmatian cross in a fierce battle with his foot and a small brindle Pitbull who wags its tail as it stares up at him.]

 

“I have only just got here, but if anything happens to these puppies, I will web everyone in this room and then myself,” he solemnly states, nodding his head as he does.

 

The video cuts to a light blue backdrop with a cartoon dogs chasing a ball. Text appears stating **Buzzfeed presents, THE PUPPY INTERVIEW: FEATURING SPIDER-MAN.**

 

It cuts to a picture of Spider-man awkwardly sitting on the ground. The camera pans slightly to show two crew coming over with a puppy each. As soon as Spider-man spots them he leaps up at a clearly inhuman speed, causing one of the crew members to jolt back in fear. The squirming puppy falls from her grip only to be caught in a blur of movement that has Spider-man lying at the woman’s feet, the puppy clutched close to his chest due to what had been an impressive dive tackle.

 

“So sorry ma’am. It’s just you had a puppy and I forgot about the whole super powers thing and then I just moved too fast and…”

 

The scene cuts to show Spider-man once again sitting on the floor with the two puppies clambering over his lap.

“Hello everyone. I’m Spider-man and… omg hi!” He says as one of the puppies puts his paws on his chest to sniff his face.  

 

The video transitions to a blank screen the same blue as the background of the interview. White writing appears, behind the text the edges of the puppies can be seen moving around.

 

Text reads: **What are your superpowers and how did you get them?**

It cuts back to Spider-man sitting cross-legged, the Dalmatian cross sprawled across his lap which he pats with one hand while he swivels his head to watch the Pitbull as it runs around him.

 

“Some try-hard spider nibbled at me...” he cuts himself off with a laugh as the Pitbull launches itself onto him lap as well. He bats lightly at it as it tussles with his arm before a light cough has him looking up.

 

“Sorry, what was the question again?”

 

 Scene cuts to Spider-man casually patting the dozing puppy in his lap while distracting the other with a ball.

 

“Right, so super strength, reflexes, speed, balance; well all that jazz. Plus I have a Spidey sense and I can climb walls. And these I suppose,” he says casually as he webs a ball that the puppy had managed to roll towards the camera crew before giving it back to the dog.

 

“That is just my tech brain child though, so not sure if it counts.”

 

Text screen: **What is the weirdest villain you have faced?**

 

“Hmmm there was this one time I had to fight the Nazi skeleton who was weirdly obsessed with bees. There was this other guy named plantman who just sorta threw coconuts at me. Oh and The Spot I suppose, he was annoying.”

 

He hooks an arm around to scoop up the wriggling Dalmatian cross and hugs him close. “He looks just like you do, but you are so much cuter. Yes you are, oh yes you are,” he babies while scratching his belly.

 

“Ooo that reminds me. One time a hydra agent attacked me because apparently he wanted to claim a superhero bonus through work, but didn’t want to have to deal with the hospital and/or funeral bill he’d get with Captain America.”

 

The Pitbull gives out light yap as he happily gnaws on the ball.

 

“Ooo arf!” Spider-man barks back encouragingly before turning back to the camera.

 

“Yeah his name was Daryl. Nice guy. Well apart from the whole ‘hydra spy whose half-heartedly trying to kill me’ thing.”

 

The video cuts to another text screen: **Are you actually an Avenger or are you an independent vigilante?**

When it cuts back Spider-man is slowly rocking the puppy like a baby in his arms while using his feet to give a belly rub to the other.

 

“I’ll be honest I have no idea myself. I work independently, but Mr. Stark [image of ironman appears in the corner of the screen] provides tech and checks up on me to stop me from dying, and I do train and fight with the Avengers pretty regularly. I did get offered to be an Avenger, but then I declined because I thought it was a test, so then Mr. Stark and Ms. Potts got engaged and…”

 

Spider-man trails off as he becomes enraptured with staring at the dopy puppy in his arms and the small tug of war his toes is now undergoing.

 

“Can I have more puppies? I think we should bring all the puppies in here.”

 

The screen card cuts in to show the next questions. **Who is your favourite superhero?**

As a woman from the crew bring out another puppy, he turns to her with his arm outstretched.

“She is,” he says entirely serious he reaches out to pat the puppy and bring them closer, only to get distracted when another one arrives and demands his attention.

 

The next question appears on the screen reading: **Who would you voluntarily let punch you in the face?**

He sits with his legs out straight, holding one of the new puppies under his arms in his lap so his belly shows as he lets the puppy nibble at his fingers.

 

“I mean I let the Avengers punch me all the time, but I wouldn’t exactly call that voluntary.”

 

The Pitbull puppy lies between his legs while the other two puppies tussle at the side.

 

“Mr. America calls it ‘mandatory training’ but I’m sceptical. I just think he’s trying to get me back cause I stole his shield the first time we met.”

 

As he is talking the puppy in his lap grows bored of eating the famed vigilante’s fingers and instead begins nosing at the mask, causing the spider’s eyes to go wide.

 

“He wants to lick my face…” he whispers in awe as he bows his face towards the puppy.

 

“Don’t even think about it,” A voice sounds from off screen causing Spider-man to turn to someone behind the camera. “Secret identity, remember, so keep the mask on.”

 

“But Happy! Puppies…”

 

“Keep the mask on unless you want the world to see how your ugly mug looks after you’ve been literally crying over puppies.”

 

Spider-man just sniffed petulantly as he simultaneously gave each dog a scratch behind their ears.

“I’m a superhero, we don’t cry.”

 

Scene cuts to slightly grey-scaled video obviously taken some other time in the interview.

Spider-man is holding two puppies in his arms with his face buried between them as he makes sniffling sounds. Around him the others are excitedly pawing at his body

“So precious,” he sobs.

**What is your favourite movie, book, Tv show etc?**

 

Instantly Spider-man straightens to attention, his distracted playing momentarily forgotten as he seriously focuses on the question (for perhaps the first time the entire interview.)

 

Off-screen someone can be heard muttering something that suspiciously sounds “Here we go…”

 

“Controversial opinion, but Revenge of the Sith. I know, I know, Empire Strikes has the death star which is awesome, but let me tell you Revenge of the Sith is what made Star Wars what it is. It is morality and power, the complications of love, heartbreak, inner conflict and betrayal. Plus, the creation of Darth Vader, yes please. It not just backstory, its depth and it’s creating a Star Wars family in its followers. It goes where no Star Wars movie had dared to go…”

 

He trails off as he is distracted by a new puppy that is hurriedly pushed onscreen, causing his eye lenses to widen in excitement as he stretches an arm out to meet it, “Ooo puppy!”

 

It cuts to Spider-man lying star fished on the floor and staring contemplatively at the ceiling above as the five puppies swarm all over him.

“I’m fully covered by a high-tech suit and am not a 100% normal human but the puppies don’t care and still love me. How do such wholesome creatures exist?”

 

The scene cuts to the next question.

Text: **Who do you tell your secrets to?**

 

“Everyone. All the time. It’s an issue.”

 

Spider-man is now frantically trying to play with each of the five puppies as they demand his attention, unwillingly to let his attention be unequally shared among them.

 

“Mr. Stark says that I have the subtly of a pride parade through a small town in Texas, and the only reason I haven’t given my identity away is all the sheer dumb luck I’m owed as a result of my constant bad luck. Though my guy in chair/ my best friend found out my identity by accident, so now I tell him most of the things I’m not meant to talk about.”

 

As the scene cuts Spider-man is holding a dog toy in each hand while using his spread feet to entertain them as well as they tussle around him.

 

On screen questions: **Name the best thing about being a hero.**

 

“Puppies.”

 

One of the puppies stops mid run to let out a high-pitched sneeze

 

“Bless you,” Spider-man states before continuing on.

 

“And free hotdogs.”

 

As the screen with the next question pops up, the second half of the question seems to have been scribbled out and a stamp of the Spider-mask over the top. The first half that remains reads:

**If you were on a desert island –**

 

“Mr. Stark.”

 

Spider-man is seen to be crouching and scurrying across the small coloured area, initiating the puppies in a game of chase.

 

“You haven’t heard the question yet,” a slightly muffled woman says from offscreen.

 

“Trust me, my answer is Mr. Stark.” He says performing a gentle one-handed bridge as he evades the capture of his flesh by playful puppy teeth.

 

“It wasn’t a question about people…” the woman sounds exasperated and is obviously fed up with dealing with the hyperactive super-hero.

 

“It is now. He built Ironman in terrorist cave at a terrorist camp, I think he can get me off an island.”

He leaps onto the wall behind him in a classic Spider-man crouch causing the puppies to yap excitedly.

 

Cuts to screen, with the white words now stating:

**Due to… superhero related complications, the rest of the questions were unable to be answered in a usable extent.**

 

Cuts to Spider-man hanging upside down on a web. The camera pans up to see it attached to one of the silver beams above the set. It pans back down to Spider-man laughing as he swings gently just above the ground, wiggling his fingers just below his face. As he slowly sways on the web the puppies excitedly chase after him, jumping up in an attempt to catch either his finger or to lick his covered face.

 

The camera swings 180 to the crew who are either snickering, subtly filming on their own phones, looking around in confusion or cooing at the scene. The leading director seems to be bewildered, alternating between staring blankly at the scene and scanning his clipboard. Next to him, a man easily recognisable as Tony Starks head of security and Bodyguard can be seen sighing and massaging his temple.

 

The clip transitions to a later point in time with Spider-man once again sitting on the floor, and five significantly more tired puppies lying across whatever limbs they can find.

 

“All these puppies are from the Sunnyside shelter here in New York, so if you are at the point in your life where you can fully dedicate your existence to the happiness of these puppies, then visit the website in the link down below or you can pop in for a quick meet and greet.”

 

Spider-man falls gently backwards, causing all the puppies to wake and squirm all over him, causing him to give a delighted laugh that can he heard even as the screen fades to the BuzzFeed end video screen, the image of Spider-man playing with the puppies visible at the edges.

 

The screen transitions one last time to a video clip of Spider-man picking up the puppies.

 

“I don’t wanna leave,” he whines as he gathers as many dogs in his arms as he can. “God, I wish my apartment allowed dogs”

 

The white eyes suddenly grow large with excitement as he turns to someone to the left of the screen.

“Do you think Mr. Stark would…”

 

“No.” a voice replies sternly.

 

Spider-man attempts to stubbornly cross his arms only to realize he can’t with all the puppies he is holding, so gives up on the whole ‘I am a dangerous and threatening vigilante’ vibe he was going for.

 “But Happy there’s so much room and dogs are moral support…”

 

“Nope. Not after last time.”

 

“But I’m asking permission this time?” he pleads.

 

“He knew you’d ask. Answer is still no.”

 

“But… but PUPPIES HAPPY!”

Spider-man pleads with wide bug eyes as the Pitbull sleepily licks the side of his mask.

 

The screen fades to black.

 

 

**Comments:**

**Kaliah more like kale-nah**

Idk which is more adorable. Spider-man or the dogs.

 

**Lightbulbnose23**

Me, before watching this: Spider-man is a bloodthirsty, vicious vigilante.

*Spider-man saying bless you when a puppy sneezes.*

Me, after watching this: Did I say vicious? That couldn’t have been me I must have meant precious.  

 

**Erika Fangirl**

Lolllllolllllolll he is soooooo cute.

 

**AT-AT-Daca**

I don’t know whether to hug Spidey for being a massive Star Wars fan or strangle him because seriously, Revenge of the Sith was one of the worst Star Wars films.

 

**Cassidy Markson**

All the bad guys have to do is bring a puppy and Spider-man will be so distracted they could probably set the empire state building on fire and he wouldn’t notice.  

 

**UniCORNPoop**

“Some try-hard spider nibbled me”

Someone get a movie deal. So inspiring. Wow.

 

**Blake Smith**

AHHHHH OMG LOOK AT THAT FREAKIN ADORABLE PUPPY

…guess the dogs were pretty cute too.

 

**Ned Leedz**

They should interview the guy in the chair. I’m sure he would love to be interviewed and would have so many embarrassing spider stories to tell, you know, being spider-man’s best friend.

 

**Why do you care what Im called**

Conspiracy theory: All the supervillains Spider-man fights are probably trying to kill him cause he be too precious for this world.

 

**Nacho Keys**

Blind Date: Are you a dog or cat person?

Me: I’m a spider person, person.

 

**Linn-MyMan Miranda:**

Spider-man is legit like that one super nerdy kid from school and I don’t know what to do with this fact.

 

**Mama Pastasauce**

That boy so pure he probs only gonna let virgins pat him.

**Oojoobe**

Everyone thinks Spider-man’s being so cute for calling Captain America ‘Mr. America’ but trust me he knows what’s up. He’s just a salty bitch who knows what he can get away with.

 

**The Tony Stark** **✓**

To everyone spamming me to let Spider-man have a dog. No. I won’t have some stray in my home which I will inevitably have to look after because no one else can. So no sneaking it in either Spider-man.

 

****** The Wednesday Dude ** **✓**

_**** The Tony Stark _That’s what you to Captain America about the Winter Solider too. We all know what happened there.

 

****** The Tony Stark ** **✓**

_**** The Wednesday Dude _Low blow kid. This is why no one likes you.

 

****** The Wednesday Dude ** **✓**

_**** The Tony Stark _You love me

 

****** The Tony Stark ** **✓**

_**** The Wednesday Dude _I really don’t.

 

****** The Wednesday Dude ** **✓**

_**** The Tony Stark _Yes you do

 

****** The Tony Stark ** **✓**

_**** The Wednesday Dude _Yeah I do.

 

****** The Wednesday Dude ** **✓**

_The Tony Stark_ … so that’s a yes on the puppy then?

**The Tony Stark** **✓**

_**** The Wednesday Dude _For fucks sake… no Spider-man. Let me know when you save the president and then maybe we’ll talk.

 

****** The Wednesday Dude ** **✓**

_**** The Tony Stark _But Mr. Stark… puppies!

 


End file.
